Road rage has become a major problem on our roads today which often leads to unpleasant and serious scenarios. Impatient bikers yell and scream at each other — and turn the air blue with their language — often turning into fisticuffs and more. While modern cars are full of safety features, there is one very simple one that they are missing – and which should be mandatory. Modifying the horn. Nothing can make your goat more stupid than following you, unable to understand that honking your horn will never clear the traffic, and raising the subject’s back and blood pressure. That’s because the horn sounds very offensive.
So why not make it mandatory that all motor horns sound like birdsong or birdcalls? If the guy behind you in the Humvee flies like a skylark or a nightingale, you’ll gladly give way to him with a smile and a wave, even if he’s purple with anger! Of course, we shouldn’t go too far here: just as some horns, for example, sounds like the Colonel Bogie March are banned, so too should be some calls and songs.
No cock-a-doodle-doos, no seagulls, no crows, no eagles (some of which sound like startled puppies), no barn owls, no peacocks (which sound like out-of-control lorries going downhill). And of course, never call the brain-fever bird (‘Brain-fever, brain-fever, brain-fever’) that escalates matters or the cuckoo (‘One more bottle, one more bottle, one more bottle!’) lest the driver Get pulled over for driving under the influence! No jungle chatter, or screeching (talking/squealing) parakeets. As for mana, well, they can be a problem because they can sound both warm and disgusting.
On the plus side, the ducks sounded great and of course, the songs of the magpie-robin or shama or whistling thrush would be heavenly!
Can you imagine the result if this bulk is taken? There you have the mother of all traffic jams and you hear skylarks or nightingales singing their hearts out all around you. Or magpie robins playing flute concertos? Traffic jams will no longer be this terrifying experience. High-end cars, especially SUVs, may have a selection of birds and calls that their drivers can choose from. Tired of being a Skylark, switch to Oriole! Cars imported from the West will surely be thick for the nightingale, but, cars made in India may have better songs and calls to choose from.
Urgent voice calls – perhaps like Shikra’s – could be reserved for ambulances, clearly indicating, ‘Coming this way or not!’ Sirens on police vehicles and VIP limousines can also be altered in this way: Most birds scatter when they hear the sound of hunting birds — so you don’t want to point the finger at them, which can have the same effect here.
If you think this is a very cheesy approach – that you’d rather have your horn sound like a tiger’s snort or a buffalo’s snarl, or an angry elephant’s trumpet (if we’re sticking to the animal theme) think again. : Most birds (usually mates) call and sing to indicate that they are alive and well, they are claiming a territory with other mates. It’s better to stay away, and they’re trying to impress girls. So in a sense, you are actually saying in bird language, ‘Abbey, kya apke bap ka rasta hai?’ (Hey, is this your father’s way?) – and also, ‘Will you be mine till the end of time?’ Regarding singing to impress girls: That may sound superstitious but there’s no reason girls can’t do it for the exact same reason. (Cranes are famous for their mutual romantic trumpeting!) So, we might end up with road rage — the exact opposite of road romance — and although the killjoys may wag their fingers in disapproval of all this PDA, it’s certainly better than exploding outside. Attacking your vehicle and the subject of your wrath.
Imagine peak hour in Mumbai, Bengaluru, Delhi or any other metropolis around the world if this becomes the norm. The cacophony will be killed forever and every jammed street will sound like a morning chorus! Of course, in the West, tooting your horn is considered extremely rude, so there may be only the occasional warble or whistle, but in places like India where horn blowing is ancient? It sounds wonderful. He used to whistle or hum instead of shouting and cursing in the morning when he reached his place of work or study and even when he returned home in the evening after spending four hours bumper to bumper!
You might think, sitting in your Mercedes, you can’t hear the person behind you, fighting you like a lark, to make way. Well, think of this: a mountain barbet I heard calling one morning in Kasauli, a voice I’m sure I’d carry all the way to Shimla! Loud yes, but it made you smile!
Now what will the birds think of these birds walking all day on the road, fighting and singing? Bird recording replays have been used by birders to attract birds. So will they come out of the woodwork en masse to see what the hell is going on? If they do, and we see how beautiful they are, we are more likely to protect them and their habitat. Unless we give them road rage!
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